Once Upon A Time…

The Story of a Tired Teacher (Spoiler Alert: it’s not new). 

Hello world. I am ANOTHER educator who is searching for a path out of previously-dim-but- now-very-dark-woods of education.

If you arrived here somehow, maybe you are doing the same, or maybe you just followed a link I sent you (thanks, friend!). Either way, I hope you find something you can relate to here. 

From the very first, difficult year of my classroom teaching experience, I was looking for something else. I have worked at 6 schools, and rarely has there been a year in which I wasn’t searching for something else.

Most years, another school job–probably because, like all other teachers, I’ve been fooled into believing teaching in a classroom, student facing, is the only work I’ll ever be qualified to do now. Once a teacher, always a teacher. 

Well, a few months ago, I got really angry at this idea. I don’t know what made me walk in step with this idea for so long…I guess there was something self-serving about what I was doing. And not enough reason to do the work to figure out what’s next. 

But, one morning, I woke up with a “bank account low notice” (again), already exhausted from my life of working with other peoples challenging kids and then coming home to meet the normal-but-demanding developmental needs of my 2-year old.

 I felt DONE in ways I haven’t before. Is the pandemic? Maybe. Is it the toddler phase of parenting? Probably. But is it possible that it’s something else? An unmet purpose bubbling up and refusing to be ignored? YUP. 

While I’m still somewhat unclear on what exactly that purpose is I do know these things: 

• I want to work at home. I need more flexibility to keep up with the daunting task of being a good human, and trying to raise a good human.
• I’ve never felt that I fully “belong” as a teacher. The Koolaid was never that enticing–no matter who was offering. 
• At times, this profession has been a huge detriment to my mental and emotional health
• I don’t want to work directly with children anymore. **With this caveat:
  •  I love kids. There is a lot I know to be important and want to help others build so that kids get the best of everyone in their lives. 
  • I can’t do the work directly with the kids because my emotional vault doesn’t haven’t enough for other people’s kids + my own kid. And she’s my priority right now. 
• I have a lot of valuable education and experience and…
• I know that I will be able to do something that feels more authentic for me

What exactly that is, I’m still working out. Writing is part of it. Writing about teaching and education might be part of it. Stay tuned to find out.